Infidelity is often considered to be the ‘ultimate betrayal’ but according to this year’s Australian Sex Census, more of us are at it than ever before. When Sam* started to suspect her husband of cheating, she decided to get proof before she started making accusations. She purchased spyware and fitted it to her home computer. Sam discovered that her other half was sending intimate messages to a mystery woman via a secret email account. But instead of confronting him, she hired a private investigator who took a covert video of her husband wining and dining another woman, then taking off to a hotel room. Sam got her proof but was completely devastated by the news.
Australian Sex Survey Gleans Surprising Results
According to the Aussie Sex Census 44% of people admitted to infidelity and more spurned partners are turning to technology in a bid to catch their other halves at it.
Jared Philpot, a PI with Brisbane based firm JFA, explained that he often meets women who have no qualms about searching their partners social media accounts and mobile phone for evidence of cheating and now many women are choosing to take things one step further.
Philpot commented that in his experience, women are better at sensing infidelity and have been proved right in around 80% of the cases he’s worked on. Philpot warns that there are several signs to look out for if you think your partner is cheating:
“If your partner doesn’t want to let go of their phone or starts taking it to the dunny, it could be a sign of possible infidelity.’
Cheating Checks are ‘Commonplace’
A recent Telstra report found that 40% of women in Australia had checked their partner’s phone in the past, whilst 24.5% had caught their partner out ‘sexting’ on their mobiles.
But is this covert surveillance taking a toll on Aussie relationships? According to clinical psychologist Dr Seth Meyers, checking up on a partner is a dangerous game to play. Meyers comments that if a relationship has reached the point where one or other partner feels the need to check mobile phones or Facebook accounts then ‘all has been lost in the relationship’. He recommends that confronting your partner about your worries rather than resorting to spying is the best option to take if you want to keep your self respect.
Sydney psychologist Lissa Johnson agrees, stating that ‘The biggest issue surrounding infidelity is trust, so don’t break it by snooping around. Be honest and confront your partner with your worries instead.’
However, cheating does not necessarily have to spell the end of a relationship. According to a 2011 report from Relationships Australia, only 11% of couples list cheating as the reason for a split, whilst money worries were responsible for 26% of break ups.
So it is possible to come back from cheating and for the relationship to survive. But what do you do when cheating occurs and you don’t necessarily want to split. Marriage counsellor Jean Harper advises:
‘Cheating is a betrayal of trust so if you want to rebuild your relationship, you need to be willing to trust your partner again, which takes time. Then you need to work on the reasons why they cheated and try to resolve those. If you can’t do that then splitting may be your best option.’Tags: Affair, Cheating, infidelity